Social Awareness – Grade 8 – Lesson 2
Objectives:
- Learn and Apply FAST Skills: Students will acquire and utilize the FAST skills (Fair, no Apologies, Stick to values, and be Truthful) to maintain self-respect during social interactions.
- Understand the Importance of Equitable Relationships: Students will recognize the significance of balancing their own needs and values with those of others to cultivate fair and respectful relationships.
Introduction:
Interpersonal effectiveness relies on maintaining self-respect while navigating various social interactions. This lesson centers on FAST Skills, a valuable tool for achieving the goal of self-respect while accomplishing other objectives.
FAST skills hold importance in all social situations and are influenced by how individuals prioritize maintaining self-respect alongside other goals. FAST stands for (be) Fair, (no) Apologies, Stick to values, and (be) Truthful. By engaging in these steps, students can increase the likelihood of feeling positive about themselves after social interactions.
Prior to starting the lesson, display the goals of self-respect on the board:
- Building and maintaining self-respect during and after interactions with others.
- Upholding personal beliefs and values without sacrificing them for approval, or acting against them to appear helpless, as these actions can harm self-respect.
In this lesson, we focus on mastering the FAST skills and understanding how to balance the seesaw of others’ needs and wants with our own needs and wants while fostering respectful and equitable relationships.
Ask the following questions:
- How do you feel when you sacrifice your own needs to make a friend happy?
- Or, how does it feel when you go against your values to do something that somebody is pressuring you into doing?
Allow for answers. The goal is to have students generate responses indicating that when they go against their own values or principles, they may start judging themselves and then feel worse about themselves.
Remember, even when your objective is your highest priority, being mindful of the relationship and your self-respect remains crucial. We need to use self-respect skills in every interaction.
Now, take a moment to think of examples in your life – ones that you are willing to share and that are appropriate for school – when you didn’t maintain your self-respect during an interaction with someone.
Elicit students’ examples, or consider using some of the following possible answers or themes:
- Feeling so angry that you screamed and yelled at someone to get them to do what you wanted.
- Bullying someone.
- Pressuring someone to do something the other person didn’t really want to do (such as cheating at school, skipping class, drinking alcohol, taking drugs, smoking cigarettes, engaging in sexual behaviors, or the like.)
- Lying to your friends or family members.
- Crying so intensely that someone else did something you wanted because you were crying so much.
We have just discussed times when your self-respect may have gone down or examples where it might have gone down. Now I want you to provide examples of situations when you did decide to focus on maintaining your own self-respect over the relationship or objective.
Again, allow students to share examples. Applaud their participation and answers, especially when they include one of the FAST skills. This will help reinforce the importance of self-respect and using the FAST skills in various social situations.
Activity 1: Self-Respect Effectiveness – FAST
Provide each student with the handout below or display it on the board. Write FAST vertically on the board and explain each letter as you progress through the lesson.
The mnemonic (memory helper) for this skill is FAST. As we go through this, we can relate each skill to the examples we have previously discussed.
F: (BE) FAIR
Ask a student to read the points on the handout for the F in FAST.
Then, ask the following questions:
- What does being fair mean to you? Do you always do what the other person wants, or do you consider what’s fair to both parties? Put yourself in the other person’s shoes – what would you want if you were in their position?
- If you always prioritize your needs or always give in to others, how might it impact your self-respect?
Display the seesaw picture on the board.
Explain the concept of a balanced relationship using the seesaw illustration. If you stand too far on one side of the seesaw, the relationship becomes imbalanced. Being fair means finding a middle ground that balances your needs with the needs of others. Unbalanced relationships can lead to negative feelings about oneself and decrease self-respect.
A: (NO) APOLOGIES
Have a student read the points on the handout for the A in FAST.
Then, continue by saying:
Apologizing when it’s necessary is acceptable. However, over-apologizing can be problematic. Can you think of situations when over-apologizing might be an issue?
Encourage students to provide multiple answers. Then, elaborate on the consequences of over-apologizing:
Over-apologizing may imply that you did something seriously wrong and that you should feel bad about it. It can hinder your progress and annoy others. People might over-apologize seeking validation from others or to alleviate their guilt, which can hinder personal growth. Remember, you don’t need to apologize for expressing your opinions or making reasonable requests.
Ask for examples of situations where someone engaged in over-apologizing and how it impacted their self-respect. Alternatively, use this example:
Sally is talking to Billy in the lunchroom about their chemistry assignment when her boyfriend, Mike, walks in. Upon seeing them, Mike rolls his eyes at Sally and leaves. Sally then chases after Mike and apologizes multiple times for talking to Billy.
What do Sally’s apologies imply?
They imply that she did something wrong and shouldn’t have been discussing her chemistry assignment.
How might Sally feel about herself after multiple apologies?
S: STICK TO VALUES
Have a student read the points on the handout for the S in FAST. Then instruct students:
Think about your values regarding significant issues in your life, such as honesty, money, stealing, sex, drugs, cheating, etc. Write down some of your values or moral beliefs.
Now, consider times when it might be challenging to stick to your values.
Encourage students to provide examples, and then elaborate:
It can be tough to adhere to your values when they conflict with the beliefs of a group, potentially leaving you feeling like an outsider.
What happens if you repeatedly give up on your values?
Over time, it can lead to negative self-judgment and worsen your self-esteem.
T: (BE) TRUTHFUL
Have a student read the points on the handout for the T in FAST. Then ask:
Repeated lying can make you start to feel worse about yourself, and it can also erode relationships over time. Is acting helpless a form of not being truthful?
Yes, it can increase the likelihood of someone helping you, but it may also make you feel worse about yourself for manipulating others – for example, crying in front of a teacher to avoid trouble or pretending to be sicker than you are to make someone stay with you.
Encourage students to provide additional examples. Discuss the importance of honesty in maintaining self-respect and healthy relationships.
Activity 2: Striking a Balance with FAST Skills to Uphold Self-Respect
Should FAST skills only be employed when self-respect takes precedence in an interaction, or are they applicable to all interactions? Encourage students to consider the usefulness of FAST skills in most situations. Then, present the following scenario:
Imagine you are going to a movie with a friend. If your main objective is to watch the movie of your choice, assertiveness becomes essential in achieving your goal. However, if preserving the relationship with your friend is more important to you than the movie choice, employing relationship-building skills becomes vital. In this case, a gentler approach might be used to communicate your preference or agree to watch the movie your friend wants to see.
But what if you consistently find yourself giving in to your friend’s preferences, leading to feelings of being taken for granted?
This is a moment to increase the utilization of FAST skills. What actions do you think the person should take in this situation?
Several actions can be taken related to FAST skills to maintain a healthy balance between assertiveness and relationship-building. Including the following:
- Fairness: The person can ensure that their own needs and preferences are considered equally alongside their friend’s. They should not sacrifice their desires constantly to please the friend, but also not demand their way without considering the friend’s perspective.
- Apologies: If the person has been constantly giving in to their friend’s preferences without expressing their own, they can start by apologizing for not communicating their feelings earlier. They can explain that they value the friendship and want to be more open about their preferences.
- Stick to values: The person should assert their preferences respectfully and confidently. If the movie choice is important to them, they can express their desire to watch the movie they like. By standing up for their values, they assert themselves without being overly aggressive.
- Truth: The person can honestly express how they feel about always doing what the friend wants. They can communicate that they want to find a middle ground where both of their preferences are considered.
- Compromise: The person can suggest alternatives where both parties can find common ground. This might involve taking turns in choosing movies or finding a movie they both agree on.
- Communication: Encourage open and honest communication with the friend about how they feel in the relationship. They can discuss their concerns and work together to find a solution that respects both of their needs and preferences.
- Self-Respect: Emphasize the importance of valuing oneself and setting healthy boundaries. It’s crucial for the person to understand that their feelings and preferences are valid and should be respected, just as they respect their friend’s feelings and preferences.
By applying these actions and using FAST skills effectively, the person can strike a balance between assertiveness and maintaining a healthy relationship with their friend, fostering mutual respect and understanding.
Closing: Practicing FAST Skills
This activity can be conducted in class if time allows or can be assigned as an additional practice task to be submitted at a later date. Students will identify two instances where they used FAST skills and respond to a few questions related to their experiences.
Lesson adapted from:
DBT Skills in Schools: Skills Training for Emotional Problem Solving for Adolescents (DBT STEPS-A) (The Guilford Practical Intervention in the Schools Series)