In every relationship, our individual actions have a profound impact on others and the overall dynamic. The concept of reciprocity reminds us that what we do affects others, and in turn, their actions affect us. As the saying goes, “what goes around comes around.”
Given this interconnectedness, it becomes essential to treat others with kindness, love, and respect. When we extend negativity or mistreatment, we are likely to receive the same in return. Understanding this principle encourages us to foster healthy relationships and prioritize compassionate interactions.
During conflicts, emotional arousal can cloud our judgment and hinder our ability to think clearly. Lacking awareness in such situations increases the likelihood of saying or doing things that are uncharacteristic or harmful. Learning to regulate our emotional arousal during conflicts helps us work toward our relationship goals.
Consider this scenario:
What if at that moment [seconds before you snapped at your partner/friend/parent, etc.], you were truly aware that this is a person you love and who loves you, and that how you treat them would go a long way toward determining whether you get what you want in your relationship? Would it have been so easy to say the nasty thing?
– Alan E. Fruzzetti, The High-Conflict Couple
To put this into practice, engage in the following exercises:
- Notice how your tone of voice impacts the tone of voice of the person you are conversing with.
- Experiment with changing your tone of voice and observe how it influences the other person’s response. It may take a few attempts to witness the desired change.
- Pay attention to how your mood affects those around you and how others’ moods affect you.
- Before speaking to a friend, partner, parent, or teacher, ask yourself whether your words will improve or worsen the situation. Practice this introspection regularly.
In closing, remember that you and the people around you are in the same boat. In relationships, you either sail together or sink together. Embrace the profound connections you share with others. By attending to their needs, you also tend to your own.
Adapted from:
The High-Conflict Couple: A Dialectical Behavior Therapy Guide to Finding Peace, Intimacy, and Validation